1. If I actually read anywhere near everything in there, I won't have time to bathe or sleep.
2. If I don't read anywhere near everything, then I feel wasteful as well as shallow.
3. Even if I read what I do read--which is quite a lot if you ask me--I am left with a rather negative view of the world.
a. unless I just read the Arts section, or better yet, Sunday Styles.
b never an a without a b.
4. The world is in a very bad state, in case you don't read the New York Times. Mexico. Syria. Iraq. Iran. The economy. Global warming. Rick Perry. etc.
5. Just kidding about number 1 above. I would never voluntarily give up bathing or sleeping or eating or drinking or other pleasant things. That would be silly. What I would more likely give up would be things that involve any sort of "work". And there will be no snarky comments by any of you out there who might know me.